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•• Who's afraid of the Big Bad 'Pen? ••

Last night's baseball was, well, forgettable to say the least. Mitre didn't have what it takes to get the win, and our hitters seemed to forget how to score against Halladay. While the baseball was forgettable, the non-baseball activities were not.

Bottom of the 8th inning, trouble began to stir. After Melancon had hit Aaron Hill with a pitch, Toronto decided to retaliate, and stupidly so. I love how the Blue Jays randomly decide to grow a pair, and every time they do, it ends up biting them in the ass.

Jesse Carlson, while facing Jorge Posada at the plate, chose to throw a pitch behind Jorge.

Tsk, tsk Carlson, don't you know that retaliation is for men? And when you faked looking disappointed at misplacing that pitch, were you trying to trick us into thinking it was an accident? Silly rabbit, tricks aren't for dicks.

With Jorge walking around in "oh no he didn't" strides and shouting "YOU DON'T WANNA DO THAT"...

...both benches cleared.

Well, for the sake of accuracy, 1.5 benches cleared. The Yankees' bench was instantly out on the field, while half of the Blue Jays' bench skipped out too (let's not forget that 9 of their players were already out on the field, so they had no choice).

The other half of the bench? Click on the play button (and make sure your volume is on).

Don't they look scary? I pity the fool that has to fight them!
As one of my Twitter followers said today: I was just waiting for them to start snapping their fingers as they exited the bullpen. I don't know where they learned how to brawl, but their "clearing of the bench" looked like something straight out of a Broadway musical. They pranced about on the field, generally moving in the direction of the fight. In my head, all I could hear was "there's NO business like SHOW business like NO business I knoooow" as I saw them make their way onto the field. Jazz hands would have been very appropriate at that moment.

Perhaps their exit from the bullpen was inspired by West Side Story? I guess they assumed that people in New York City really do fight through choreographed dance moves. Poor guys, they thought that they would fit in.

So anyway, much to my disappointment, nothing happened. Both benches cleared and just stood there eyeballing each other. After both sides were warned, play resumed. Jorge worked a walk, and eventually scored.

As Posada was running back into the dugout after scoring, Jesse Carlson was standing in his way, so he shouldered him as he was running by.

Don't they teach pitchers to back up behind home plate? Why was Jesse Carlson near our dugout? He needed a back-hand pimp-slap for that alone.

Carlson then turned around and shouted something at Jorge.

Then all Hell broke loose.

Whatever Carlson said really got Posada going, and he ran back towards him. My guess is that Carlson shouted "YOUR WIFE'S A WHORE AND YOUR EARS ARE REALLY BIG". That would be enough to get Jorge going.

The umpire immediately ejected Jorge, but that made no difference and Posada kept charging, and proceeded to kick the crap out of the Toronto pitcher. While he was whooping Carlson's ass, Jorge said: "my ears are NOT big you mother f*cker, the catchers helmet makes them look that way!!!!"

Then both teams went at it. Basically, it was the Yankees beating the crap out of the Blue Jays in the fight, to somewhat relieve the tension built up from the Blue Jays beating the crap out of the Yankees in the game.

What you can't see in the pictures is Shelley Duncan dragging Rod Barajas by the catchers' vest and putting him in a choke-hold, and keeping him there. Personally, I think that Duncan did it just because he could. You gotta hand it to those Midwest boys, they don't mess around. I guess all that cow-tipping Shelley did growing up finally came in handy.

After several minutes, the fight ended, CC Sabathia lifted Jorge and carried him to the dugout...

... while Mariano Rivera got the final "Imma cut you, bitch" death-stare at the Jays.

I'd like to state here that in principle, I don't agree with brawls on the field. I think it's far more effective to whoop the other team's ass by beating them in the game.

Having said that, brawls sure are fun to watch! I found myself cheering our boys on while they beat the crap out of the Jays. My inner thug was awakened, and I wanted a piece of those Canadians myself. I also found myself rather freakishly aroused. There's something about brawls that really get me going......


Um... back to the topic at hand.

The fight.

Every Yankee got a piece of the action. From Joba Chamberlain, to Nick Swisher, to Johnny Damon (who really got riled up), to Mark Teixeira - who went running in with his mouth open ready to take a bite out of someone. Even skinny-ass Edwar Ramirez got a few punches in. I found it funny that he ran in to break up the fight, when CC Sabathia could sneeze and send Edwar flying away. Ramirez got sucked into the fight and threw in a few punches that would make any fan proud. Respect.

The Blue Jays simply couldn't keep up. Our boys were enraged. Step on our turf and disrespect us like that? NOT ON OUR WATCH, BITCHES.

I don't care what anyone says, the Blue Jays were asking for it. If they can't handle the heat, then they shouldn't throw behind Jorge Posada. Had Cody Ransom been playing and Carlson threw behind him, he probably would have been applauded for it. But this is JORGE POSADA. You don't f*ck with the Hip Hip.

I want to know why Carlson thought throwing behind Jorge would be a good idea. It was obvious that Melancon didn't intentionally hit Hill; why would he? There was no need to. Melancon simply lost control of his pitch. He's known for that. And if Carlson insisted on throwing at Jorge, couldn't he have made it a little less obvious? I think Carlson was assuming that his Bullpen Posse would have his back. That kind of assumption is what gets you this:

So, in conclusion, if you ever want to let off some steam, grab a Toronto Blue Jay. They are wonderful punching bags.

Lessons learned:
  1. When instigating a fight, make sure you have someone other than the Toronto Blue Jays bullpen pitchers to back you up.
  2. Don't mess with Edwar Ramirez and his 60 lbs of fury.

My final thought? Well, I think what truly started the fight wasn't Carlson's throw behind Posada. It was the maple leaf on his sleeve.

Is that thing flipping us the bird??? OH NO HE DIDN'T......

That's the BeeBz Effect. Can you feel it?


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