In honor of this event, I decided to give you the Top 10 Reasons Why I Hate The Red Sox.
Enjoy.
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10. It's a Family Thing
I was raised in a house free of prejudices. We were brought up to judge a person based on their character, and not based on their religion, race, gender, nationality or sexuality. We are an open-minded family, and we accept everyone.
Everyone, except for Red Sox fans.
No one wearing anything that bares resemblance to a Boston logo was allowed to enter the house. My own cousin, a Red Sox fan (he's a 3rd cousin through marriage and is regarded as the 'black sheep' of the family because of his Boston ways), was stopped at the door by my father and not allowed to enter the house until he took his Boston hat off and left it in the car. Had he not been a family member, he would have been sent home.
Growing up, I was allowed to date whomever I wanted regardless of their racial, religious, cultural or social background. I was not, however, allowed to date Red Sox fans (not that I ever wanted to).
This is how I was raised. This is a major reason why I hate the Red Sox.
9. Claims of a Curse
In my opinion, any organization that believes in curses, and blames their failure on anything other than their own mistakes, is an organization deserving of hatred. Like many Yankees fans (and fans of other teams) have said before me: there was never a curse, they just sucked for 86 years.
I may understand a heartbroken fanbase being pathetic enough to come up with such an excuse, but for an entire organization to embrace this excuse, and use it as a crutch, is simply disgusting.
There was never a curse, Babe Ruth was just smart. You sucked, Yankees owned. Still do. Deal with it.
8. Red Sox Nation
What is this, really? Have you people no shame? Have you no class? Why am I even asking these questions when I know the answer to both questions is "no"?
I believe Hank Steinbrenner said it best in an interview:
“Red Sox Nation? What a bunch of [expletive] that is. That was a creation of the Red Sox and ESPN, which is filled with Red Sox fans. Go anywhere in America and you won’t see Red Sox hats and jackets, you’ll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”
I think that Red Sox Nation reached the pinnacle of its pathetic existence a few years back, when it had its "Presidential Elections". The two front runners were:
• A grown man living in his mother's basement that was filled with Red Sox posters and memorabilia, broadcasting the fact that he hadn't taken his Boston jersey off in years.
and
• A dog.
I believe the dog won, probably because he's Red Sox Nation's most intelligent member.
7. Kevin Youkilis
Where do I even begin describing my disgust for this man? He is one classless attention-seeker, who leaps farther than his stubby legs can carry him. And that facial hair... don't even get me started on that dead animal he has on his face. Forget about being beaten with the "ugly stick", Kevin Youkilis was beaten by a forest of ugly trees.
He has one of the most stupid and annoying batting stances in the history of baseball. Then, when a pitcher throws at him (probably because he was distracted by the homo-erotic nature of the Youk Stance), he goes out and bitches about it to the media. "Blah blah blah, they have it in for me at every game, blah blah blah, they always throw at me because they hate me, blah blah blah, I'm like Paul O'Neill".
You, sir, are NO Paul O'Neill. Let's just clear that up. Do not compare yourself to Paullie, you are not, and will never be, anything like him.
How about the next time you charge the mound, you leave your bat behind and put up your fists ya big baby? It's easy to charge the mound armed with a bat, when the pitcher has nothing but his fists and a glove to defend himself. I'm a small woman and I can charge the mound with a baseball bat and feel safe.
Furthermore, if you're going to charge the mound, do something other than just TALK a good fight. Either get into a real fight, or don't charge the mound in the first place. To half-ass it like you always do, pretending that you're tough when all you're thinking about is getting home and cuddling with your Wally The Monster toy, is just plain pathetic. If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the Yankees' way.
6. The "C" on Varitek's Jersey
I'm sorry, did we change the sport to hockey when I wasn't looking? Who the Hell puts a damn "C" on their baseball jersey to show the world that they're the captain? Seriously, who does that?
I've heard Red Sox fans defending Jason Varitek and saying that it wasn't his decision to put the "C" on there, it was the team's decision. THAT'S EVEN WORSE! That proves that it was more than just one player who was repeatedly dropped on his head as a baby, IT WAS THE WHOLE FREAKING TEAM!
Varitek, if you need a damn letter on your jersey to show that you're the captain, chances are you're not doing a very good job. How about you grow a testicle and stop using embroidery to command respect? A true leader commands respect through his actions.
Take a course in "Jeteromics" and learn about how a real captain acts.
Oh and next time, take your damn catcher's mask off when you want to fight. Maybe then you'll look like less of a pussy.
5. David Ortiz
Oh, Ortiz, you big ogre-like walking fiasco. When will you learn that the words you say will come back to bite you in your big steroids-filled ass?
Really, Big Papi? Really? It seemed like a good idea to go out and blast all steroids users in baseball, saying that anyone who ever used steroids should be banned? Really? Knowing that you haven't been clean, and that names of users were coming out left and right, you still thought it would be smart to go out and give a "holier than thou" interview to the media? Really?
How about now, Big Poopi? Do you still think that those players should be banned? Personally, I think you should be banned solely for your stupidity. Had you not made such a big deal about it when Alex Rodriguez was called out, you probably wouldn't have gotten so much hate for being called out yourself. Christ, even Canseco forgot how to speak English when the topic of steroids was raised. Yet you thought it was a good idea to go out and be a hypocrite. Interesting.
You used to remind me of Shrek. Now you remind me of the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz.
4. Curt Schilling
Do I really need to explain this? Check is blog and you'll know why.
This loud-mouthed has-been seems to think that being a bitch will somehow compensate for the fact that he's pathetic. He may have been decent at points in his career, but that still doesn't erase the fact that his last contract had weight-loss incentives. If you're an athlete and you need financial incentives to lose weight and get in shape, you're pathetic.
You'd think that he'd somehow be ashamed of himself for losing it in his last year and try to lay low off the radar. Nope! In true Red Sox fashion, Curt Schilling decided to take the classless route and start a blog blasting other teams right and left. Schilling's inferiority complex is more than obvious, because instead of recognizing his weaknesses and trying to strengthen them, he decided to point out and embelish the weaknesses of others, so that maybe his own pathetic existence would seem better.
Furthermore, this self-promoting moron thinks he deserves to be in the baseball Hall Of Fame! Oh for the love of Mo, when will the stupidity end!
I guess in Red Sox Nation, being a career 3.46 ERA pitcher with 216 wins, logically earns you a place in the HOF, alongside baseball's greatest.
It must be that bloody sock...
3. Wally The Monster and his sidekicks: Lefty & Righty
First of all, I hate mascots. I think their existence is stupid, and too high on the "Shameless Marketing" scale for my taste.
Secondly, I think Wally The Monster is the ugliest sports mascot I've ever seen. We get that you call that monstrosity in your stadium "The Green Monster", but must you embody it by creating that hairy green blob you call a mascot? No wonder the children of the fanbase grow up to be complete idiots as adults, their brains are scarred with images of horror at an early age.
Wally not only looks horrid, he acts like a douche. He gets up in the stands and starts dancing around, shaking his blob left and right, and the crowd actually enjoys it. Really, what does it say about your fanbase when you need a cartoon-character-gone-wrong to keep them amused during the game? Actually, what does that say about your team?
Thirdly, they introduced those two stupid socks to dance around with Wally. I guess the images of a dancing green monster weren't enough to fill up the vast empty spaces in Sox fans' skulls, Lefty & Righty had to be introduced to distract these fans from any chance they may have to learn about the game of baseball.
Following the game and learning about baseball? No way! We do things the Red Sox way and fill the minds of our fans up with superficial marketing propaganda! Heaven forbid they should ever be able to carry on an intelligent baseball-related conversation.
2. The Fans
Now the most hated fanbase in baseball. Not because of success, but because of sheer douchebaggery. Red Sox fans are some of the most classless, idiotic, and pathetic fans in the world of professional sports. I have yet to carry on an intelligent baseball-related conversation with a Red Sox fan. In fact, I'm yet to meet a baseball-intelligent Red Sox fan.
They are quick to make claims: "it's a Red Sox dynasty!" or "we're the best team in baseball history!" or other ridiculous statements of pure stupidity. Once you respond with logic, saying that it takes more than two World Series wins that were three years apart to make a dynasty, or by saying that to be the best team in baseball history you can't really suck for the better part of baseball history, they respond with "Yankees suck".
Try backing them into a corner and asking them something like "name 7 Red Sox bullpen pitchers from 2004", if you're a Yankees fan, they'll definitely respond with "oh you're just jealous. Yankees suck".
Hmmm. "Yankees suck". Thank you, Red Sox Nation, for refreshing and enlightening us with your unique and substantial point of view.
Another thing I hate about Red Sox fans is that they cannot grasp why the country hates them. Non-Yankees used to see them as the "lovable losers", it was mostly pity. Now that they've won a couple of World Series, the entire fanbase turned into a group of douchebag ass-hats. Yet, they still expect America to love them. Talk about stupidity.
As a Yankees fan, I'm smarter than to think that America will love me. We know we're a hated fanbase, but we're hated because we're proud of our history and success. Nevertheless we don't expect the country to like us. As a matter of fact, we enjoy being hated by the rest of the baseball world.
Red Sox fans think that America hates them because they're successful. That's the only reason they hate the Yankees, so they assume that that's the only reason there is to hate someone. WRONG. America hates Red Sox fans because they're classless, juvenile, douchebag idiots who believe in curses and can't name their entire 40-man roster this year, nevermind try to remember last year's 25-man roster. America hates Red Sox fans because they are the biggest media-whores we've ever seen in Major League Baseball. They will take any opportunity to shove their Red Sox down our throats and talk about them like they're God's gift to humanity.
America hates Red Sox fans because, even after they act like douchebag Massholes when they're winning, they still expect people to feel sorry for them when they're losing. Why on Earth would we feel sorry for you obnoxious turds when you're losing? Don't get me wrong, I'm all kinds of obnoxious when it comes to being a Yankee, but I don't expect ANYONE to sympathize with me when we're losing. In fact, I never want any kind of pity aimed at me. Red Sox fans, on the other, want to be celebrated when they're winning, and pitied when they're losing. It doesn't work like that, you morons.
Another thing I hate about Sox fans is that they care more about sticking it to Yankees' fans than they do about winning. It's fun to rub your success in others' face, but when GLOATING about your success becomes more important to you than your actual success, you're a Red Sox fan. If the Red Sox win the ALDS, their fans wouldn't be happy if the Yankees won the ALDS too. It's more important for their fans to say "the Yankees didn't win" than to say "we won". That is something you will never find in other fanbases. Winning always comes first. Gloating is a distant second. For Red Sox fans, winning is only important if they get to gloat about it.
Of course, there's the fact that 75% of their fanbase consists of bandwagon fans, but that could happen to any team. The only problem is that these bandwagon fans swear to God that they're "diehard" and "lifelong". That is how you ask a baseball question and get the response "Yankees suck".
1. Jonathan Papelbon
Honestly, there is nothing I currently hate more about the Red Sox organization than Jonathan Papelbon.
Before I begin my Anti-Paps Rant, let me state that I recognize his abilities as a pitcher, and I do believe he is one of the best closers around today.
Alright, now that I got that sickening statement out of the way, I can move on.
Jonathan Papelbon embodies everything I hate about the Red Sox organization: lack of class, lack of a brain, lack of restraint, and lack of logic. He's a good closer, I'll give him that, but he seems to think that the sun rises and sets in his ass. Not only does he seem to think that he's God, he tries to convince the baseball world of it too. Only a sad, pathetic idiot feels the need to constantly praise himself. What's the matter, Paps? Did mommy not hug you enough as a child? Did daddy never tell you he loves you? What's with this constant self-promotion?
Self-promotion seems to be a trend in the Red Sox organization. They all have such an inferiority complex that they compensate for by blowing their own horns. Or each others' horns. I stress on the word 'blowing'. Paps is their number 1 blower. In more than one way.
Papelbon, already branding himself the best closer in baseball, seems to think that he's in the same league as Mariano Rivera. I don't care who you are, if you say that Jonathan Papelbon is equal to Mariano Rivera, you need to get your ass kicked. What an idiot. No one who knows anything about baseball thinks that Paps is equal to Mo. Which explains why Red Sox fans seem to think so.
In 2008, Papelbon even had the audacity to say that he should be the All Star Game closer. The All Star Game that was being played in New York, in the House That Babe Built, when the best closer of all time, our Mariano Rivera, was right there. Even Terry Francona knew that Paps was being a moron. After all the talking, saying that he deserves to close and that he's equal to Rivera, Francona puts Papelbon in to pitch in the 8th. Paps gives up a run. Mo gets robbed of a save. We sit and watch for 14 innings.
Children, thank Jonathan Papelbon for ruining the All Star Game.
Just like Schilling, Papelbon loves being a media-whore. He jumps on any opportunity to get some publicity by going out and saying something outrageously dumb. He especially enjoys blasting the Yankees. It makes him feel important to blast the Yankees. He feels it somehow makes his existence on this Earth more significant than the waste of oxygen that he is.
Just like the Red Sox fanbase, Paps doesn't feel good unless he puts the Yankees down. Again: inferiority complex. Knowing Boston and the stupidity of their fans, he is probably worshipped more every time he says something idiotic. He probably uses these anti-Yankees rants to bring all the boys to the yard.
Also, let's not forget that horrifying dance that he does when the Red Sox win. What is that dance? He looks like a drunk mutant frog dancing the Irish jig while high on 'shrooms. As if I needed any MORE reasons to NOT want the Red Sox to win, avoiding seeing Paps dance is a major one. Guys like Papelbon are the reason the world thinks that white guys can't dance. I guess he uses this dance to seduce his teammates.
Another reason I hate Jonathan Papelbon is the way he acted in the All Star Parade in 2008. He was wearing his World Series ring, flashing it at the crowd of New Yorkers, and shouting things like "jealous?". Then, when the crowd started throwing trash at him (because trash begets more trash) he whined and bitched about it, trying to get sympathy. "Boo hoo, they threw paper cups at me and my pregnant wife boo hoo".
Well, moron, how about you don't piss a crowd off while your pregnant wife is sitting right next to you? What did you expect, douchebag? Did you expect the crowd of New Yorkers to cheer for you and your damned ring? Consider yourself lucky you didn't get your ass kicked. If it were up to me, I'd bitch-slap you. Not a regular slap, a bitch-slap. Regular slaps are for men. Bitch-slaps are for bitches like you. A good pimp-style backhand is what you need to put you in your place.
Of course, when talking about Papelbon-bon, I have to mention the instances of grabbing Manny Ramirez' junk:
and him in all his glory:
Honestly, need I say more?
That's the BeeBz Effect. Can you feel it?
