Is it a cool date? Yes it is. Is it rare to have the same digits across the shortened date? Happens only 12 times a century. Is it worth all the craziness that ensues? Hell no.
I refuse to give into the hype, as I have for the past 9 years.
People get ridiculous with this crap. Sending me e-mails like "Don't forget to make a wish at 9:09! God will listen!". What kind of God only listens to me twice a day 12 times a century? That's some Grade-A bullsh*t right there. Surely God doesn't wait until it's those 12 times a century when the date is homogeneous before he listens to a prayer.
Even more annoying are the greetings.
Random person: "Happy 09-09-09!"
Me: "Kill yourself."
Why are we celebrating this day? What accomplishment was achieved on this day? Wow, we've been able to count the days for long enough to get to 09/09/09 once again! Let's celebrate and make The Count from Sesame Street proud! 1..... 2..... 3..... 4..... 5..... 6..... 7..... 8..... 9..... 9 years! Aahahahaha!
The world has gone mad. People get hyped up over the silliest things. People were so into this 09/09/09 business today, that they didn't even realize they were being absolute idiots.
I'm sure many of you have come across some weird behavior today and have a few stories of your own. So, I'd like to sympathize with all of you who have experienced madness on this ordinary day by sharing some of the weird "999" things that happened to me at work today.
Enjoy the pure stupidity of what you are about to read.
•••
I was walking into my office building this morning. As I normally do, I stopped at the security desk to have my bag checked and swipe my ID card. As I walked up to the security guard, I greeted him with "good morning". He then responded with "good morning!" and repeated his greeting over and over. I started to get a little scared, and asked myself why on Earth he sounded like a broken record. I started wondering if maybe I had too much to drink last night, or if one of my drinks was spiked with ecstasy or 'shrooms. Once he stopped greeting me, I asked him why he repeated himself so many times. He said "I'm greeting everyone 9 times today, because it's 999!"
Hmmm... how about you kiss my ass 999 times?
I shook this craziness off, and suddenly realized the coffee that I bought on my way to work wasn't going to be enough. I took the elevator up to my floor, and walked out to be greeted by the receptionist. With a big smile she said to me "happy oh-nine oh-nine oh-nine". Not you too, Sandra. I completely ignored her greeting and said good morning. As I reached to take an M&M from her large M&M bowl, she said to me "make sure you take 9". When I said I only wanted one, she replied to me saying "you're so silly, you have to take 9, because it's 999".
Hmmm... how about I slap the 'silly' out of you 999 times?
As I made my way to my office, I passed by my boss who was walking around with a cup of coffee, his hands were shaking and his eyes were wide open. I said good morning to him, and he responded with a loud and overly enthusiastic "HEY!!!!!", that startled me more than I care to be startled at 7:30 in the morning. I asked if he was feeling alright, he said "I'm working on my 6th cup of coffee!!! I want to have 9 cups before 9:09am because it's 999".
Hmmm... how about 999 ass-whoopings to mix in with your coffee?
My office is relatively close to the elevator. I chose it when I first got here. I like to walk in and out with as little interaction with the morons on my floor as possible. I happen to work on the 9th floor of our building. All day I kept hearing the annoying *ding* of the elevator. We were having an unusual amount of visitors today. I walked out and asked one of the guys in the cubicles what was going on. He said "people are visiting our floor, the 9th floor, for luck, because of 999".
Hmmm... how about I hand 999 bitch-slaps to the next 9 fools that visit this floor?
Every working environment has a pervert. He's the guy who mentally undresses you every time he looks at you. The guy who never does anything overt enough to report as sexual harassment, but still makes you feel dirty every time you're in his presence. Today, our designated office pervert came up to me and said "you should have 9 orgasms today because it's 999".
Hmmm... how about I kick you in the nuts 999 times?
I needed to finalize some paperwork for a major contract I just landed, and I needed the help of the accounting department to do so. I called up Susan, the accountant I had been working with on this project, and asked her if she could come up to my office for a while. She showed up to my office wearing cat ears. I stared at her for a few seconds, wondering why the Hell she decided to wear cat ears to work. After pondering at relative length on why she would do such a thing, I asked her the reason. She replied in a tone that gave off the impression that my question was ridiculous and the answer should be clear. She said to me "because cats have 9 lives and today is 999".
::blank 'The Office'-style stare into the camera::
Hmmm... how about I smack you in the face with those ears 999 times?
Later on during the day, I heard one of the interns dialing a number and hanging up. He had the phone's speaker on, and I could hear that whatever number he was dialing had the same digit repeated 7 times. He dialed the number over and over, each time laughing then hanging up. I stepped out of my office and asked him what on Earth he was doing, he said to me "I'm calling 999-9999, 9 times, because it's 999".
Hmmm... how about I shove that receiver up your ass 999 times?
The icing on the cake, the tip of the iceberg, the drop that made the pot overflow, came towards the end of the day. I had finalized all the paperwork for the contract I'd been working on, and needed 7 photocopies of a document to send to certain people in the organization. I asked my secretary to make the photocopies for me. She came back with 9 copies. When I said to her I only asked for 7 copies, she said "I'm doing everything in 9's today, because it's 999".
At that point, I decided it was time for me to pack up and go home. Had I stayed at work any longer, I would have shot 999 bullets off at everyone on my floor.
That's the BeeBz Effect. Can you feel it?
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