•• METS: More Entertaining Than Suicide ••

Every day, Mets fans reaffirm my faith in their pettiness.

Sometimes I try to sympathize with them and feel their pain. After all, it must really suck to be second-rate in New York. I sort of know the feeling of inferiority as a Jets fan, but there is no way I would ever dream of acting the way Mets fans do. Maybe because the Giants, while being the more successful football team in New York, are in no way comparable to the Yankees. Or maybe it's because I'm not a pathetic emo sadist by nature. Either way, I would never be as pathetic as Mets fans are today.

I remember the Super Bowl a couple of years ago, when the Giants played the Patriots. Our division rivals vs. our city rivals. Not a single Jets fan even considered rooting for the Patriots. Even though we knew that Giants fans would shove their Super Bowl win down our throats and rub salt in our wounds, there was no way we could root for Boston over New York. At most, we'd be neutral and not care about who won.

Let's go back to the 1986 World Series. I was only two years old so I don't remember it, but my father tells me that he rooted for the Mets against the Red Sox. As did many Yankees fans I know.

At the end of the day, it's New York over Boston. I probably wouldn't root for the Mets against the Twins or even the Rays. Actually, I definitely wouldn't root for the Mets against any team other than Boston.

So, in the (seemingly unlikely) event of another Mets-Red Sox World Series, I would root for the Mets.

This isn't the case with Mets fans.

Honestly, while this blog post may seem like I want Mets fans to root for the Yankees, I really couldn't care less who they go for. In fact, I don't want them rooting for the Yankees. I'm too scared that a few of them might enjoy the new feeling of cheering for winners, and choose stick around and become Yankees fans, thus infecting our otherwise Winner-filled gene pool.

Having said that, I read an article this morning that got me interested in who the Mets were rooting for in this year's World Series. Since I was bored without any baseball to watch, and since it was a slow Yankees news day (except for the two changes to our roster), I decided to calm my anxiety about tomorrow's game with a bit of comic relief. I decided to read a few Mets' blogs to see what they had to say about the 2009 Yankees-Phillies World Series.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes, and my thoughts about them. Enjoy.

•••

The first thing I read was the article I mentioned before. While there were several funny to what Mets fans are hoping for this World Series, this one was the funniest:

“I hope it rains for 40 days and 40 nights”

This quote comes from an owner of a bar near Citi Field. He couldn't bring himself to choose between the Yankees and the Phillies, so he hopes the World Series never gets played. He continued to say that he'll show the 1986 World Series on one of the televisions in his bar.

Wow, talk about living in the past. Not only is he trying to relive the Mets' glory days, he's also trying to be clever. The Mets' division rivals are facing their city rivals? He's going to show the game in which the Yankees' division rivals faced their city rivals.

Sad part is: we didn't really give a damn then, and we don't really give a damn now.

Next idiot, please.

•••

This picture was posted on a Mets' blog addressing the dilemma that Mets fans seem to be facing.

If you ignore the poor Photoshop job and the fact that it says "Autumn 2004", the picture states a fact: "Whoever wins... we lose".

That's pretty much always the case for the New York Mets, no matter who's in the World Series. No matter who wins, no matter who plays, especially if the Mets are playing, the Mets lose. It really makes no difference what is going on in baseball, the Mets always lose. Even when they win, they somehow manage to lose. So kudos to the blogger for reaching the correct conclusion.

Stupidity Overload. Must move on to new victim.

•••

One of my favorites has to be the blog entry "Satan's Series". I encourage you all to click on that link and read it. It's pretty funny in a sad way.

This blogger is the epitome of the word Pathetic (yes, with a capital P). In his blog post, "Metsradamus" or - as I like to call him - Metsradumbass, basically claims that the world is coming to an end starting Wednesday.

"But this, my friends, is Baseball Armageddon. There is no happy ending. Satan has been unleashed. The minions have arrived on earth. The Mayan calendar has ended little more than three years earlier than expected. The world will never be the same. And the next two weeks are going to be the worst two weeks on earth."

Armageddon. Interesting point of view. While Metsradumbass may be slightly exaggerating in his blog post, I think that most Mets fans feel something similar to this.

Wow, being second-rate sure has messed them up mentally.

The worst two weeks on Earth? Really? I see. I see. A Yankees-Phillies World Series is obviously worse than all the tsunamis, wars, terrorist attacks, H1N1/SARS outbreaks, genocides and famines that the world has to offer. Very strong point, Metsradumbass.

As if the 2009 season wasn't bad enough for Mets' fans, a Yankees-Phillies World Series just adds insult to injury. Pun very much intended. Apparently this "insult" was way too much for them to handle, because they finally snapped.

So, what's Metsradumbass' solution for this problem?

"I'm boycotting the 2009 World Series, and pulling all Met fans around the world out of it. You may not like it, but it's for your own good."

So basically, if you hide out and ignore what's going on around you, it means that nothing is really happening. Ah, the good old "George W" way of thinking. Kudos to you, Metsradamus.

•••

This next blogger actually breaks it down for us. In her blog post she explains, logically, why the Mets would never root for the Yankees, not even in support for their city. Here it is:

"I understand that Yankees fans feel morally superior to us because they can, on occasion, root for the Mets... Still, everyone needs to understand that Mets fans can’t ever root for the Yankees because for us, the dynamic is so much more complicated. The Mets mean nothing to the Yankees. The Yankees mean a great deal to the Mets. We are the slighted younger brother. We are Cain and they are Abel. Hating them is central to who and what we are. Think of it, Mets fan. What will it feel like to you to hear them celebrating their 27^th World Championship in this year of all years in Mets history?"

I actually appreciate this lady's honesty. Finally, a Mets fan that admits the truth. They hate us because we're superior. Their inferiority-complexed fan base wants to see us lose and suffer because, for one brief moment, they can fantasize about being our equals.

But, you see, it's too late for them to fantasize about that. We're already the champions of our league, so we've already trumped their season. Oh, Hell. Reaching the .500 mark halfway through this season trumped their season.

Sorry, I digress.

The following quote from the same blog entry is something I wish all Yankee-haters will read and understand:

"Who would you rather see get more obnoxious, Phillies fans or Yankees fans? And hey, why shouldn’t these people be obnoxious? They’ve earned it. We just wish we could be this obnoxious to them. We’re resentful that we can’t be."

That's right, haters. We're obnoxious. Why? Because we're successful.

Let me take this opportunity to explain that any sort of reference to success is seen as "obnoxious" by fans of other teams. So, we're obnoxious because we've had a whole damn lot of success.

•••

One blogger on one Mets' blog had this to say:

"I hate the Phillies, just not nearly as much and for not nearly as long [as the Yankees]. Someday the Phillies will suck again and we won't care about them any more than we care on a given day about any particular National League opponent. The Yankees will still be the Yankees."

Why, thank you, sir. Thank you for pointing out that, while other teams rise and fall, the Yankees will remain on top. By talking about your hate for the Yankees, you actually complimented them. Kudos to you.

•••

Dennis McCarthy from the Mets blog Mike's Mets started off by asking his readers the following question:

"We know now how Yankee fans must have felt heading into the 1986 World Series. The Mets against the Red Sox? Who does a Yankee fan root for?"

It's simple, we root for the Mets. That's a no-brainer. New York over Boston any day. We always have and always will be a "New York over Boston" fan base.

He goes on to "grudgingly" talk about the positives of both teams and hint at the fact that both teams deserve to be in the World Series.

Then, he concludes with this:

"Ultimately, though, the team I'm rooting for, albeit unenthusiastically, is the team with less obnoxious fans. That's saying quite a lot, when given these two fan bases. One anonymous Yankee fan was quoted thusly on a network radio newscast last night: "Woooo! It's about time! Six years is too long!" There's no way the average Yankee fan can realize how condescending and pompous that attitude sounds to fans of the other 29 teams. The players on every team fight every year to get to the World Series. Yankee fans expect it every year. That sense of entitlement is why I'm a Phillies fan for the next ten days.

But really, I'm praying for a seven-game series, a lot of extra innings, cold, wind, rain, sleet, and a touch of pneumonia on both sides."

There they go using the O-Word again. Calling us obnoxious simply because we have our eyes set on the trophy every single year.

Yes, every fan base wants the trophy, but only a few teams have a realistic shot at getting it. It's not our fault that the Yankees have a legitimate shot at the World Series every single year. If more fan bases acted like we do and expected nothing less than the best, then maybe more team owners will do whatever it takes to keep the fans happy. Maybe, just maybe, other teams will one day reach our level of success.

If stating the obvious (that we should win it all) makes us obnoxious, and if stating the facts (that we deserve to win it all) gives us a "sense of entitlement", then I guess I'm an obnoxious douchebag brat with a sense of entitlement.

Also, if Dennis thinks that pneumonia will hold us back, then he must think we're the 2009 Mets.

•••

So, the general consensus among Mets fans is that we run New York. They hate us because we're successful, and they hate themselves for being pathetic.

Sometimes I start to feel sorry for them, being stuck in a city where they have no chance of ever being number one. That pity is quickly erased as soon as one of their idiot fans says "Reyes is better than Jeter". The pity immediately turns into mockery, and I'm suddenly happy that they suck.

Mets fans will go through Hell over the next ten days or so, as they try hard to choose the lesser of two evils. Judging by a few of their blogs, they're more likely to jump off the Queensborough Bridge than they are to ever be satisfied with their existence.

That's the BeeBz Effect. Can you feel it?