• 'New York, New York' Parody: Yankees Of New York •

Click play and sing these lyrics to the tune!

Start spreading the news

it's World Series Game Day.

The Yankees are a part of it

in New York, New York.

They'll take to the field,

for the trophy they'll play.

They'll put some soul and heart in it,

in New York, New York.

I want to wake up to the Yankees

in the lead.

And find we've beaten the Phils,

we will succeed.

My '08 blues,

have melted away.

We made a brand new start of it,

in old New York.

Our mission starts today,

we'll take it all the way.

It's up to you,

Yankees of New York.

Yankees of New York.

I want to wake up to the Yankees

in the lead.

And find we've beaten the Phils,

taken the game,

we will succeed,

we'll beat the Phils.

My '08 blues,

have melted away.

We made a brand new start of it,

right here in New York.

Our mission starts today,

we'll take it all the way....

It's... up... to... YOU

Yankees of.... NEW YORK!

•• METS: More Entertaining Than Suicide ••

Every day, Mets fans reaffirm my faith in their pettiness.

Sometimes I try to sympathize with them and feel their pain. After all, it must really suck to be second-rate in New York. I sort of know the feeling of inferiority as a Jets fan, but there is no way I would ever dream of acting the way Mets fans do. Maybe because the Giants, while being the more successful football team in New York, are in no way comparable to the Yankees. Or maybe it's because I'm not a pathetic emo sadist by nature. Either way, I would never be as pathetic as Mets fans are today.

I remember the Super Bowl a couple of years ago, when the Giants played the Patriots. Our division rivals vs. our city rivals. Not a single Jets fan even considered rooting for the Patriots. Even though we knew that Giants fans would shove their Super Bowl win down our throats and rub salt in our wounds, there was no way we could root for Boston over New York. At most, we'd be neutral and not care about who won.

Let's go back to the 1986 World Series. I was only two years old so I don't remember it, but my father tells me that he rooted for the Mets against the Red Sox. As did many Yankees fans I know.

At the end of the day, it's New York over Boston. I probably wouldn't root for the Mets against the Twins or even the Rays. Actually, I definitely wouldn't root for the Mets against any team other than Boston.

So, in the (seemingly unlikely) event of another Mets-Red Sox World Series, I would root for the Mets.

This isn't the case with Mets fans.

Honestly, while this blog post may seem like I want Mets fans to root for the Yankees, I really couldn't care less who they go for. In fact, I don't want them rooting for the Yankees. I'm too scared that a few of them might enjoy the new feeling of cheering for winners, and choose stick around and become Yankees fans, thus infecting our otherwise Winner-filled gene pool.

Having said that, I read an article this morning that got me interested in who the Mets were rooting for in this year's World Series. Since I was bored without any baseball to watch, and since it was a slow Yankees news day (except for the two changes to our roster), I decided to calm my anxiety about tomorrow's game with a bit of comic relief. I decided to read a few Mets' blogs to see what they had to say about the 2009 Yankees-Phillies World Series.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes, and my thoughts about them. Enjoy.

•••

The first thing I read was the article I mentioned before. While there were several funny to what Mets fans are hoping for this World Series, this one was the funniest:

“I hope it rains for 40 days and 40 nights”

This quote comes from an owner of a bar near Citi Field. He couldn't bring himself to choose between the Yankees and the Phillies, so he hopes the World Series never gets played. He continued to say that he'll show the 1986 World Series on one of the televisions in his bar.

Wow, talk about living in the past. Not only is he trying to relive the Mets' glory days, he's also trying to be clever. The Mets' division rivals are facing their city rivals? He's going to show the game in which the Yankees' division rivals faced their city rivals.

Sad part is: we didn't really give a damn then, and we don't really give a damn now.

Next idiot, please.

•••

This picture was posted on a Mets' blog addressing the dilemma that Mets fans seem to be facing.

If you ignore the poor Photoshop job and the fact that it says "Autumn 2004", the picture states a fact: "Whoever wins... we lose".

That's pretty much always the case for the New York Mets, no matter who's in the World Series. No matter who wins, no matter who plays, especially if the Mets are playing, the Mets lose. It really makes no difference what is going on in baseball, the Mets always lose. Even when they win, they somehow manage to lose. So kudos to the blogger for reaching the correct conclusion.

Stupidity Overload. Must move on to new victim.

•••

One of my favorites has to be the blog entry "Satan's Series". I encourage you all to click on that link and read it. It's pretty funny in a sad way.

This blogger is the epitome of the word Pathetic (yes, with a capital P). In his blog post, "Metsradamus" or - as I like to call him - Metsradumbass, basically claims that the world is coming to an end starting Wednesday.

"But this, my friends, is Baseball Armageddon. There is no happy ending. Satan has been unleashed. The minions have arrived on earth. The Mayan calendar has ended little more than three years earlier than expected. The world will never be the same. And the next two weeks are going to be the worst two weeks on earth."

Armageddon. Interesting point of view. While Metsradumbass may be slightly exaggerating in his blog post, I think that most Mets fans feel something similar to this.

Wow, being second-rate sure has messed them up mentally.

The worst two weeks on Earth? Really? I see. I see. A Yankees-Phillies World Series is obviously worse than all the tsunamis, wars, terrorist attacks, H1N1/SARS outbreaks, genocides and famines that the world has to offer. Very strong point, Metsradumbass.

As if the 2009 season wasn't bad enough for Mets' fans, a Yankees-Phillies World Series just adds insult to injury. Pun very much intended. Apparently this "insult" was way too much for them to handle, because they finally snapped.

So, what's Metsradumbass' solution for this problem?

"I'm boycotting the 2009 World Series, and pulling all Met fans around the world out of it. You may not like it, but it's for your own good."

So basically, if you hide out and ignore what's going on around you, it means that nothing is really happening. Ah, the good old "George W" way of thinking. Kudos to you, Metsradamus.

•••

This next blogger actually breaks it down for us. In her blog post she explains, logically, why the Mets would never root for the Yankees, not even in support for their city. Here it is:

"I understand that Yankees fans feel morally superior to us because they can, on occasion, root for the Mets... Still, everyone needs to understand that Mets fans can’t ever root for the Yankees because for us, the dynamic is so much more complicated. The Mets mean nothing to the Yankees. The Yankees mean a great deal to the Mets. We are the slighted younger brother. We are Cain and they are Abel. Hating them is central to who and what we are. Think of it, Mets fan. What will it feel like to you to hear them celebrating their 27^th World Championship in this year of all years in Mets history?"

I actually appreciate this lady's honesty. Finally, a Mets fan that admits the truth. They hate us because we're superior. Their inferiority-complexed fan base wants to see us lose and suffer because, for one brief moment, they can fantasize about being our equals.

But, you see, it's too late for them to fantasize about that. We're already the champions of our league, so we've already trumped their season. Oh, Hell. Reaching the .500 mark halfway through this season trumped their season.

Sorry, I digress.

The following quote from the same blog entry is something I wish all Yankee-haters will read and understand:

"Who would you rather see get more obnoxious, Phillies fans or Yankees fans? And hey, why shouldn’t these people be obnoxious? They’ve earned it. We just wish we could be this obnoxious to them. We’re resentful that we can’t be."

That's right, haters. We're obnoxious. Why? Because we're successful.

Let me take this opportunity to explain that any sort of reference to success is seen as "obnoxious" by fans of other teams. So, we're obnoxious because we've had a whole damn lot of success.

•••

One blogger on one Mets' blog had this to say:

"I hate the Phillies, just not nearly as much and for not nearly as long [as the Yankees]. Someday the Phillies will suck again and we won't care about them any more than we care on a given day about any particular National League opponent. The Yankees will still be the Yankees."

Why, thank you, sir. Thank you for pointing out that, while other teams rise and fall, the Yankees will remain on top. By talking about your hate for the Yankees, you actually complimented them. Kudos to you.

•••

Dennis McCarthy from the Mets blog Mike's Mets started off by asking his readers the following question:

"We know now how Yankee fans must have felt heading into the 1986 World Series. The Mets against the Red Sox? Who does a Yankee fan root for?"

It's simple, we root for the Mets. That's a no-brainer. New York over Boston any day. We always have and always will be a "New York over Boston" fan base.

He goes on to "grudgingly" talk about the positives of both teams and hint at the fact that both teams deserve to be in the World Series.

Then, he concludes with this:

"Ultimately, though, the team I'm rooting for, albeit unenthusiastically, is the team with less obnoxious fans. That's saying quite a lot, when given these two fan bases. One anonymous Yankee fan was quoted thusly on a network radio newscast last night: "Woooo! It's about time! Six years is too long!" There's no way the average Yankee fan can realize how condescending and pompous that attitude sounds to fans of the other 29 teams. The players on every team fight every year to get to the World Series. Yankee fans expect it every year. That sense of entitlement is why I'm a Phillies fan for the next ten days.

But really, I'm praying for a seven-game series, a lot of extra innings, cold, wind, rain, sleet, and a touch of pneumonia on both sides."

There they go using the O-Word again. Calling us obnoxious simply because we have our eyes set on the trophy every single year.

Yes, every fan base wants the trophy, but only a few teams have a realistic shot at getting it. It's not our fault that the Yankees have a legitimate shot at the World Series every single year. If more fan bases acted like we do and expected nothing less than the best, then maybe more team owners will do whatever it takes to keep the fans happy. Maybe, just maybe, other teams will one day reach our level of success.

If stating the obvious (that we should win it all) makes us obnoxious, and if stating the facts (that we deserve to win it all) gives us a "sense of entitlement", then I guess I'm an obnoxious douchebag brat with a sense of entitlement.

Also, if Dennis thinks that pneumonia will hold us back, then he must think we're the 2009 Mets.

•••

So, the general consensus among Mets fans is that we run New York. They hate us because we're successful, and they hate themselves for being pathetic.

Sometimes I start to feel sorry for them, being stuck in a city where they have no chance of ever being number one. That pity is quickly erased as soon as one of their idiot fans says "Reyes is better than Jeter". The pity immediately turns into mockery, and I'm suddenly happy that they suck.

Mets fans will go through Hell over the next ten days or so, as they try hard to choose the lesser of two evils. Judging by a few of their blogs, they're more likely to jump off the Queensborough Bridge than they are to ever be satisfied with their existence.

That's the BeeBz Effect. Can you feel it?

••• I Hate The Rain •••

I hate the rain. I really do.

Ever notice how rain always ruins things? Picnics, weekends, Yankees games.

Rain sucks.

I was so pumped about tonight's game. I was ready to see Andy Pettitte go out there and dominate like he normally does in the postseason. I was ready to see us own the Angels at home. Or at least that was what I was hoping to see.

We've already waited a day since Game 5, now we have to wait another day until Game 6. I honestly don't know how I'll be able to wait until then. The anxiety is killing me!

It's moments like these that make me wish life was like a DVD where you can just skip to the next chapter. I really wanna know how this ALCS ends! I don't want to wait another day! This is too much!

This mysterious Penne that just showed up in my fridge is really delicious. Sorry, I digress.

So, now we wait another day. That means, if we go to Game 7, we'll probably face Lackey. It also means that if we win Game 7, we'll be playing Game 1 of the World Series after only a day's rest. Fantastic. I guess we better win Game 6.

I hate the fact that we had to wait a day before Game 5. What was the point of that? It's not like we've never played 3 games in a row before. Hello! It's baseball!

Now I'm wide awake, it's 3a.m. here in Dubai, and I have no baseball to watch. This sucks. At least if it were the regular season, I'd be able to turn over to a Mets game and laugh at them. But no one else is playing in the postseason. The Phillies are just resting up and waiting to see who they'll face.

Boy, those Phillies sure are lucky, aren't they? They've been resting since Wednesday or whenever. They'll go into the World Series fully rested, while whoever wins the ALCS (I'm not going to even say that we will. No jinx) will be exhausted. How is that even fair? I'd understand if the delay was just because neither AL team could win it in 5 games, but tonight's delay is because of the weather. That just sucks.

I think the Phillies should go ahead and start playing Game 1 of the World Series without the AL team. It's alright, they're an NL team, we'll catch up.

What's also pissing me off is that now I've lost my excuse to call into work sick tomorrow. Damn you, rain. Damn you to Hell.

Girardi has already announced that he's sticking with Andy Pettitte for tomorrow, but will this 24-hour delay make him second-guess the lineup he's set? I hope not. I, for one, am glad that he's stuck with our generic lineup. Yes, I'm even glad he's stuck with Nick Swisher. I have a gut feeling that Swisher's going to explode in Game 6. Or maybe my gut is telling me that he's going to implode? No. No. Explode. Definitely explode.

Oh crap, I'm Middle Eastern. Maybe I shouldn't be talking about things exploding on the internet. Oh sh*t, I just pointed it out that my blog might seem suspicious. Oh dung, why can't I just shut up? Oh poo. Homeland security is on my ass now probably. I better not get arrested before I see the end of the ALCS. Otherwise I'm gonna have to kick some ass, Bronx-style!

No, ladies and gentlemen, I am not high. I'm a little tipsy, but that's neither here nor there. I'm just bored. I'm wide awake, completely disappointed about the game being postponed, and I'm more than a little slap-happy.

Anyway, I should probably stop typing now. In conclusion: rain sucks.

Until we meet again, after Game 6 of the ALCS....

That's the BeeBz Effect. Can you feel it?

••• Don't Blame It On The G •••

Last night's game was, well, anticlimactic to say the least.

I don't know what to say about the game that hasn't already been said. A lot of things were shouted in the heat of the moment last night, which is understandable. I said a few things I wish I could take back, so I understand the passion from which last night's anger arose.

Now that we've all had the chance to calm down and get a good night's rest (or morning's rest in my situation), we can think about last night's game - and this series as a whole - more clearly. There are a few points I would like to address in this post, so bear with me.

Let me start off by saying that no one has criticized Joe Girardi's bullpen management more than I have this season. Like I've said time and time again (a few of my posts on this blog show it), he always seems a little too eager to show his Tony Larussa-esque nature. I was never a fan of "Bullpen Micromanagement", and the thought of "Lefty Specialists" makes me cringe. I was never one to enjoy mixing and matching pitchers to hitters, so Joe Girardi's "style" isn't adhering to my taste.

Having said all of that, let me get to the first point I'd like to address: Last night's loss was not Joe Girardi's fault.

I may criticize Girardi, but I'm also fair. In Game 5 of the 2009 American League Championship Series, Joe Girardi did everything right.

He was patient with A.J. Burnett, even after he gave up 4 runs in the 1st inning. Even I was calling for Burnett to be yanked out of the game (I am ashamed of this, but it was in the heat of the moment). He left A.J. in to work his way out of trouble, and rightfully so. From the 2nd inning onwards, Burnett was pure gold. He left him in until the 7th inning, and then removed him after the first two runners reached. The result? A.J. Burnett was in line for a win after our offense exploded. That, in itself, was a victory for Girardi last night.
We ended up losing the game, so Burnett obviously didn't get the win, but the fact that he had a realistic shot at it was testimony to Girardi's good management.

The pitching changes that followed were necessary. It was obvious that Girardi didn't particularly want to use several pitchers, but he was left with no choice after each pitcher failed him. In a championship series, you just can't leave your pitcher in too long. At the first sign of trouble, you need to remove him. As opposed to what he normally tends to do (removing pitchers from the game when they're cruising through hitters), he only removed pitchers last night when they began to struggle. After our bullpen struggled, he made the remarkable decision of bringing Mariano Rivera in to pitch the 8th, to give our hitters a decent shot at taking the game into extra innings.

The fact that our hitters couldn't get the job done was not Joe Girardi's fault at all.

The second point I'd like to address is last night's bullpen failure. Let's leave Damaso Marte out of this because, to be honest, who truly expected great things from Marte? He's been mediocre at best, so last night's performance wasn't out of character.

I would like to focus on Phil Hughes and Joba Chamberlain for a moment.

Joe Girardi brought in Phil Hughes to save the lead. He made the right decision, as Phil Hughes has more than shined in the set-up role. Like every Yankee fan, once I saw Hughes coming out of the bullpen my initial thought was "we're going to win this game". I was wrong. Phil Hughes let us down last night. He was the one who cost us the game.

I am disappointed in Phil's performance last night, but I'm not calling for his head to roll. I believe that our fanbase as a whole needs to realize that young pitchers need a little time to handle the pressure of big games. Need I remind you all that the great Mariano Rivera wasn't born this way? This isn't just in regards to Phil Hughes, but also in regards to our youth-filled bullpen as a whole.

While Hughes' lackluster pitching yesterday was discouraging, everyone needs to remember that Phil Hughes, and the rest of our young bullpen, are one of the main reasons we even made it to the playoffs. Our bullpen is full of bright talent with excellent potential, and they have done a lot of great work for us this year. Last night, they cracked under pressure. They have been good in the playoffs so far (Game 3 wasn't the bullpen's fault, it was Girardi's).

What we need to do is realize that young players need time to learn how to deal with the pressure of important games. Even when we give them the time, not every young pitcher will develop nerves of steel. Some pitchers will never learn how to pitch well under pressure, otherwise every team would have a Mariano Rivera. If, out of our entire bullpen, we eventually get a couple of relievers who consistently perform well under pressure, we'll be lucky.

I believe that Phil Hughes has what it takes to be our next great closer. He may never become Mariano Rivera, but closers like Mo come once in a lifetime. We just need to give him a little more time, and a little more postseason experience.

Now, let me move on to Joba Chamberlain. I have no idea where to even begin with this mess. Maybe I should begin by saying that I blame the Yankees Organization for what has happened to Joba. They killed the 2007 Joba Chamberlain. Murderers!

In 2007, he was the next Mariano Rivera. Then, we saw his hot arsenal of pitches and a lot of fans (myself included) got excited about seeing him as a starting pitcher. Then, they came up with these ridiculous "Joba Rules". While I understand the reasons behind these rules, I believe they toyed with Joba mentally, and that outweighs any good that these rules may have brought. In 2008, Joba was mediocre. In 2009, Joba became borderline abysmal.

I don't blame Chamberlain for his decline, I blame management. In my opinion, Joba's problems are 100% mental. They have him convinced that he can't go deep into games, and it is obvious that he is constantly terrified of getting injured.

Joba pitched as a starter for the entire year. Then, after putting him in the starting rotation for the entire season, they put him back in the bullpen when the games mattered the most. Has anyone stopped to think, just once, about the implications of such a move? Why make him a starter when all you're going to do is put him back in the bullpen? I expect SOMEONE in Yankees Management to have a little better foresight than that. Either give the guy the chance to shine as a starter and work out his own troubles, or leave him in the bullpen. Going back and forth on this is hurting him.

I wasn't particularly excited about seeing Chamberlain in the postseason rotation, but this entire year has been one big managerial faux-pas in regards to Joba. If it wasn't for mismanagement, Joba would now be a solid starter in our rotation. We all saw his potential. We all saw the excellent command he had of 4 different pitches. Poor management killed Joba Chamberlain. Murderers!

Either keep him in the bullpen or make him a starter. Either way, pick a side and commit. Going back and forth between the starting rotation and the bullpen has messed him up mentally. I don't know if he will ever regain his confidence in himself, and I blame the Yankees for possibly ruining this young pitcher's future. While I love the Yankees organization, I don't think I will ever forgive them for what they have done if Joba doesn't bounce back from the circus freak-show they have made of his career thus far.

Let's move on to my third point. It's more of a question that a point, because I really have no answer for: "What the Hell is wrong with Nick Swisher?".

The main thing about Swisher, the thing that has brought him success all season, is the fact that he goes out onto the field and has fun. It's been clear to us all that Nick Swisher is passionate about the game of baseball. I've never seen any player have so much fun out on the field. He was never our best hitter, but he was always like a breath of fresh air. His attitude and passion is what won us games this year.

Where has this passion gone? Why does he look like he's not even having fun anymore? What happened to the Nick Swisher who took the mound and pitched in April, and had a blast doing so? Where is THAT Nick Swisher? I want him back.

Like Joba Chamberlain, Nick Swisher's woes this postseason must also be mental. Maybe he's cracking under pressure? Who knows. Whatever the reason, he better snap out of it soon. I'm not asking him to hit a home run every other game, I'm just asking that he goes back to having fun. When Nick Swisher has fun, Nick Swisher plays well. Bring back that SwisherSpark!

Having said ALL OF THAT, and having addressed the points I covered, let me now say that this series is far from over. Last night's loss was discouraging, but we can still win this. We definitely can.

We took one of the games in Anaheim. Let's face it, Anaheim has never been an easy stadium for us to win in. Taking one of the 3 games in L.A. is exactly what we needed to do to bring the series back home in a relatively more comfortable setting than it would have been to lose all 3 games.

I don't see us losing both games at home; I simply do not see it happening. I pray to Mo that I'm right. So fear not, my fellow Yankees, we still got this! Let's look forward to Game 6 in the Bronx: In Andy We Trust.

I will leave you with words of encouragement from my friend, a fellow Yankees fan and Yankee History Buff, Chris Morris, who sent me the following message on Facebook:

"Believe it or not, this series has been going exactly according to my predictions thus far (our ulcers and myocardial infarcti along the way notwithstanding).

To me, the real pivotal game of the Series was the second - we had to take the first two at home, because going west with a split would have meant having to take two out of three at the Anaheim House of Horrors in order to come back with the lead, and I knew that there was no way that that was going to happen. We took two at home and one on the road, and that was exactly what we needed to do.

I said Yanks in six, and I'm about 90% sure that it's going to come to pass. This isn't 2004, it's 1977, when the Dodgers blew us out in LA (both of our losses in Anaheim were nailbiters, which is a sort of encouragement by itself) to pull within 3-2, and then we headed back to the Stadium to Reggie Jackson's date with history.

I guarantee you that great things are going to happen this weekend... and if I turn out to be a game off, then we've got CC going in game 7 on full rest."

That's the BeeBz Effect. Can you feel it?

••• The anxiety is killing me! •••

1 hour, 47 minutes and 29 seconds until game time. I can't wait.

I'm so excited, it's not even funny. I'm anxious. It's been 5 years since we've been to the World Series, and in less than 2 hours, we'll only need 27 outs to get there!

This post will probably be somewhat incoherent, but I don't care. I'm excited and I'm not about to hide it! [cue music]

I woke up this morning completely pumped. I couldn't even focus on work all day because all I kept thinking about is the game tonight.
One win. That's it. One win is what stands between us and the American League Pennant. One win is what stands between us and playing in the World Series. Just one win.

1 hour, 45 minutes and 6 seconds until game time. The anxiety is killing me.

In less than two hours, our boys in pinstripes take the field to secure the final step before the World Series. Tonight can be magical. If we win tonight... no, WHEN we win tonight, we'll only need 4 more wins to lift up the World Series trophy. Lift it up for the 27th time.

When we win tonight, we'll be back where we belong: on top of the entire league.
When we win tonight, we'll be on our way to being back where we belong: on top of baseball.

1 hour, 40 minutes and 51 seconds until the first pitch is thrown in Anaheim.

We can do this. We can win this. We've got all the ingredients to take this all the way. We've got what it takes to be the World Champions for the 27th time.

We've got what it takes to finally complete Mission 27. We can do this. We will do this.

1 hour, 38 minutes and 46 seconds until the whole country tunes in to watch the pride of New York play.

Many fans love us, many fans hate us. No matter what they feel towards us, we're a force to be reckoned with.
Tonight is the night that the Evil Empire can finally strike back. Tonight is the night that men can turn into legends.

1 hour, 34 minutes and 50 seconds until Game 5 of the ALCS begins, and I'm too pumped for words.

My heart is beating so fast. My stomach has butterflies in it. I can't stop smiling. We can do it tonight. We can finally do it, tonight.

I'm not going to make any predictions, and I'm not going to claim that we've got this in the bag. In now way will the 27 outs needed to take us to the World Series come easy. But I have faith in our boys. They have it in them. They have what it takes to become legends. I have all the faith in the world that they will succeed.

1 hour, 31 minutes and 32 seconds left! LET'S GO YANKEES!

That's the BeeBz Effect. Can you feel it?

•• 30 Facts about Joe Girardi ••

Tonight's game pissed me off.

I'm not pissed off because we lost, we were bound to lose a game at some point. I'm pissed off because of the REASON behind our loss.

Joe Girardi over-managed yet another game. How many times have we seen that this year? The man seems to be a little too eager, and seems to think that he's a genius. I don't think I can take any more games in which we go through our entire bullpen, but I know I'll see such games over and over again as long as Girardi is our manager.

While he has his strong points (namely managing the lineup - although, to be fair, our lineup pretty much manages itself), Girardi's bullpen micromanagement is simply horrifying.

So, inspired by tonight's loss, I came up with my very own 30 Facts about Joe Girardi.

These are mostly for fun, so don't start telling me I'm any less of a fan because of this post. I was against Joe Girardi getting the managerial job right from the start, and I still don't think he should be our manager. I don't think that our success this year can really be accredited to him, because with a roster like ours, it would take an absolute moron to screw it up.

Having said that, and before you read my 30 facts, I want to say that although I have my beef with Girardi, and although I think he's the wrong man for the job, I still stand behind him SOLELY because he's our manager.

These facts are just my way of venting, and are mostly for fun. Enjoy.

30 Facts about Joe Girardi

1. Every time Joe Girardi changes a pitcher, a little kitten dies.
2. The creators of "The Bronx is Burning" decided to create a movie about Joe Girardi: The Bullpen is Burning.
   
3. Joe Girardi shits the bed so often that he changes sheets almost as frequently as he changes pitchers.
4. Even Tony Larussa thinks that Joe Girardi over-manages the bullpen.
5. Joe Girardi's bullpen management was inspired by the military: leave no man behind.
6. Joe Girardi must think he's managing a Little League team: every pitcher has to pitch.
7. The number 27 on Girardi's jersey isn't symbolic of the quest for the 27th World Series championship; it's in reference to the number of pitching changes he makes per game.
8. When playing 5-card-draw poker, Joe Girardi replaces 3 of the 4 aces in his hand.
9. The Count from Sesame Street has a blast counting the number of pitchers Girardi brings into a game.
10. Mathematicians who think that "infinity" is unreachable have never seen the number of pitching changes Joe Girardi makes.
11. Joe Girardi changes more pitchers than "Octomom" changes diapers.
12. Girardi's bullpen management is a schizophrenic's dream.
13. Scott Proctor wishes that Girardi was the manager when he was a Yankee, that way he'd never have to face more than one hitter.
14. I use Joe Girardi's pitching changes as a shot game whenever I want to get wasted.
15. If the Yankees donated $1.00 to Africa every time Girardi changed a pitcher, they would end hunger on the continent.
16. John Kerry called, he said that Joe Girardi changed positions too often.
17. Elliot Spitzer has rotated prostitutes less often than Girardi has rotated pitchers.
18. MLB should allow Joe Girardi to work with a 45-man roster in the playoffs to accommodate his pitching management.
19. 5 phones were added in the Yankee dugout to communicate with the bullpen because one phone couldn't handle the heavy load of calls.
20. Like sand through the hourglass, so are the pitchers in Girardi's bullpen.
21. Joe Girardi failed high school Algebra: no matter what the equation was, x = 8 every single time.
22. Mrs. Girardi is scared because Joe told her he wants to have enough kids to pitch an entire game.
23. With Girardi as manager, every time a bell rings a pitcher gets his wings.
24. NYC subway maps make more sense to tourists than Girardi's bullpen management does to Yankees fans.
25. Joe Girardi is managing the wrong bullpen in New York.
26. When Joe Girardi gets dressed in the morning, he tries on 8 different pairs of shoes before he leaves the house barefoot.
27. Cody Ransom thinks Joe Girardi is a genius.
28. When in doubt, go to the mound, and do nothing.
    
29. I can't decide if I should call him "Joe 'One-Batter-Too-Late' Girardi" or "Joe '3-batters-too-soon' Girardi".
30. Joe Girardi's Calls To The Bullpen are sponsored by Pepto Bismol: you're gonna need this shit while watching the game.

That's the BeeBz Effect. Can you feel it?

••• The Playoffs have FINALLY begun!!! •••

I can't tell you how long I've waited for last night's game. Actually, I can: since we lost the ALDS in 2007. That's how long I've waited for it.

I wanted to blog before last night's game, but Google decided to be a prick and lock me out of my account. Why? I do not know. My guess is that the creators of Google are Red Sox fans, and have thus targeted me. Hello, Conspiracy Theory.

I like what I saw last night. I mean, I'm not cracking open the champagne just yet, after all we were facing the Twins (7-0 record against them in the regular season not to mention they played extra innings the night before), but there were good signs last night.

First: any monkey that was present on CC Sabathia's back has obviously run away - possibly for fear of being eaten with a side order of coleslaw - because CC looked to be every bit the Staff Ace last night. He pitched 6 2/3 innings, gave up on earned run on 8 hits, and struck out 8. What a beast.

Second: Alex Rodriguez got a couple of RBIs in the post season! Praise the Lord!

Honestly, if you're reading this blog, you've either watched the game or have read about it, so I'm not going to review the game for you. Game 1 was awesome, we won, Jeter got the first post season home run at the new stadium, Joba pitched well in relief, life is good. Let's focus on winning Game 2 and going to Minnesota with a 2-0 advantage.

In other news, I quit smoking yesterday. Which was really smart since I smoke when I'm stressed and the MLB playoffs always stress me out. I'll blog about it in another entry.

LET'S GO YANKEES!

That's the BeeBz Effect. Can you feel it?